Heartbeat
by CassieCastle47
Summary: post-ep for 6x04 "Number One Fan". Kate has a nightmare. And yes, I know it's extremely late. :)


**Disclaimer: No. I don't own Castle. I wish. **

**A/N: Post-ep for episode 6x04 "Number One Fan": Kate has a nightmare. *I know it's wayyyy late***

Kate Beckett woke up suddenly, her heart racing. Her first instinct was to scream, but she bit it back. Looking to her left, she sighed in relief. He was there, sleeping soundly beside her. Alive.

As she felt tears prick her eyes, she realized she couldn't stay in here or he would wake up. She slipped quietly out of bed, her bare feet making very little sound as she eased out of the bedroom. She made her way to his study, curling up in his chair.

The lights were out, the room lit only by the dim street lights from outside. New York was never quiet, never dark. Not really. As tears escaped her eyes, Kate looked around. She knew this space by heart, but she still loved to look. The bookshelves, full of all kinds of books, ranging from classics like Anna Karenina and Pride and Prejudice to new mystery thrillers by Patterson and new law stories by Grisham. She took in the framed book covers on the walls and the big print of the dizzying staircase. She looked at the surface of the desk, atop which sat his laptop. There were a few spiral-bound notebooks and a coffee mug full of Pilot ballpoints. The binoculars. The controller for his RC helicopter. Over on the right, a photo in a cut-glass frame. It was of the two of them; the same one she had had framed in her DC apartment. It wasn't dusty at all; evidence to the fact that he frequently picked it up to look at it. On the left, there was a framed photo of Alexis and Martha, looking at each other with smiles on their faces. She pulled open a desk drawer and picked up an old photo of Castle and Alexis, walking hand-in-hand. Everywhere Kate looked, she saw evidence of how much love this man had in him. And it only made her cry harder.

She hadn't had PTSD-fueled nightmares in almost a year. But when she moved to DC, they had started up again. This time, though, it was very rarely her that was hurt. It was much more commonly him. She dreamed up worst-case endings for all the times he could've died; in the bank, with 3XK, with Harrison Tysdale, with Dick Coonan. In the hangar. In the freezer. When her apartment blew up. On the bomb. In the cemetery. In Paris. With the toxin. And tonight, she re-played the scene with Emma in her head. Only this time, it wasn't a normal bullet. It was what cops called a "killer"; a bullet designed to slice through Kevlar like butter. In her dream, she heard the shot, went into the building, saw him there on the ground. She ran to him, and there was blood on the floor. His face was incredibly pale, and his eyes were closed. she called to him, cradled his face in her hands, begged him to open his eyes and look at her. But he didn't. No matter how hard she tried, what she said or did, he just lay there. Her knees became soaked with warm, sticky blood, and it dried on her hands, turning from bright red to dull black. Right above the "I" in "WRITER", there was a small, circular hole. And for the first time since

she'd known him, Richard Castle was silent.

Castle awoke slowly. The bruise on his chest hurt, but he was sure that wasn't what had woken him up. As his senses fully came to life, he realized that Kate wasn't lying next to him anymore. Placing a hand on the sheets, he noted that they were cooling, but still a little warm. He paused and listened. A moment later, he could hear someone crying.

Kate.

He slowly got out of bed, ignoring the pain in his chest. He went into his study, pausing in the doorway. Kate was curled up in his office chair, her head resting in his arms. She was crying. He moved quietly over to her, trying not to startle her too much.

"Kate?" he murmured. She jumped and looked up at him, her eyes wide. So much for not startling her. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't mean to scare you." He knelt down in front of her, wincing slightly.

"Don't," she said. "Don't hurt yourself, Castle." Her voice was shaky. He ignored her, reaching up to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear, concern lacing his blue eyes.

"I heard you crying," he said. "Are you okay?" She sighed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up," she said.

"No, it's fine," he assured her. "What's wrong?" She didn't answer and he squeezed her hand gently.

"Kate?" he prompted. "Talk to me."

"I had a nightmare," she said.

"About what happened today?" he asked softly.

She nodded wordlessly, tears welling in her eyes and making it impossible to speak. Castle stood up and pulled her also to her feet. He enveloped her in his arms, holding her close.

"It's okay, Kate," he whispered. "Shhh, it's okay. It was just a dream. Everything's okay now."

"You were shot and there was so much blood, Castle," she whispered into his neck. And you wouldn't talk, you were so quiet. And so still."

"Shh," he soothed, cradling her close to his chest. "Shh, Kate, it's okay. It was only a dream. I'm right here, baby. I'm not going anywhere, I promise." She wrapped her arms around him, clutching at the soft fabric of his Superman tee-shirt. She buried into him and he winced. Immediately, she recoiled, pulling back with a look of horror on her face.

"God, Castle, I'm sorry," she said. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean-" He cut her off, gently grabbing her arm.

"No," he murmured. "It's okay, Kate, I'm fine."

"I hurt you," she whispered. He shook his head, stepping up to her again and turning her face up to his. He met her eyes.

"No, Kate. You didn't. I'm okay, I promise. Don't worry about it, alright?" He pressed a kiss to her forehead and pulled her back into his arms.

"I was so scared," she admitted. He could feel tears seeping into his shirt, and he cradled her head to him.

"I know," he murmured softly. "I know you were scared, baby. But it's okay now. You don't need to be scared anymore, Kate. I'm here, alright? I'm right here." She just nuzzled into his neck, holding him close to her. The whole situation, while heartbreaking, also made him strangely happy. Obviously, he wasn't happy that she was so upset, but he was happy that she was trusting him. He was happy that she was letting him see her like this, lettting him comfort her. Once, she would've gone running, would've been long gone by now. But she was still here, in his arms, and she was not only allowing comfort, she was seeking it. To him, that was priceless.

"There was blood everywhere, Castle," she whispered.

"Shhh," he murmured. " No, Kate. No blood. Everything is fine." She pulled back slightly, biting her lip.

"Can I see?" she asked nervously. He nodded, taking her hand.

"Come on," he said. He led her to the bedroom, flipping on a lamp. The room flooded with warm light, and Kate could see him more clearly; his bare feet, the little glimpse of skin on his hip where his tee-shirt had ridden up, the defined, smooth, muscles on his upper arms and shoudlers, the curve of his jaw, the blue eyes she loved so much, the touseled hair and long lashes. She could see the laugh lines around his eyes and the way the corners of his mouth turned up, even though he wasn't really smiling. She could see the sparkles in his eyes, the way the golden light from the lamp reflected in the cerulean pools and made his skin glow. She could see the tiny, barely-there keyboard calluses on his fingertips and the easy, graceful way with which he moved. Despite his tall stature and somewhat bulky frame, Castle moved with an ease and grace that made her breath catch. He reached for the hem of his shirt and a bried flash of pain crossed his features. Kate stepped forward, compassion in her eyes.

"Here," she said. "Let me." He obediently moved his hands out of the way and Kate gently slid his shirt up. She gasped involuntarily as she saw the bruise. It was all kinds of shades; dark purple, blue, gray, and violent red. There was a small circle in the very center that was almost black. Her throat seemed to close up as she realized that the would-be bullet wound on his chest was in the exact same position as her own fading scar.

"Oh, my god," she breathed. "Castle." Fresh tears welled in her eyes. He stayed silent, letting her go slowly, moving at her pace instead of his. Her fingertips ghosted over the bruise, incredibly, impossibly light. A moment later, she met his gaze. "Castle," she whispered again. He shook his head slowly.

"Kate, I promise you, it's not as bad as it looks," he swore.

"But it's still bad," she mumbled.

"Yes," he conceded as she dropped her hands and his tee shirt fell back to it's original position. "But," he continued, "it's not as bad as it could've been. And I'm going to be fine. Okay?" Kate nodded slowly. He held out his arms in invitatin to her and she carefully went to him. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on top of her head. He kissed her forehead, sighing contentedly. He knew without the shadow of a doubt that he would never tire of this feeling.

"Come on," he murmured. "Let's go back to bed." Kate nodded in silent agreement and he held the blankets up for her as she crawled in. He followed and the flicked the lamp off before settling in next to her. She carefully cuddled up next to him and took a deep breath, breathing in that sweet, familiar Castle scent. The scent of home.

"Hey," he murmured.

"Yeah?" He pulled back to look at her in the faint light and brushed her hair off her face.

"Kate, if you want me to stop shadowing you, if that's what you need to be able to breathe easy at night...if that's what you need to be able to not have nightmares...then Kate, I will. If you need that from me, I will do it without hesitation."

"But you love shadowing me," Kate said. Castle shook his head.

"No, Kate. I love _you_. Not Nikki. And not playing cop. I enjoy it. But love? No. It's you as a person that I love and I hate seeing you like this. So if you need me to stop, I will." His blue eyes had darkened seriously and he was watching her intently. She smiled slightly.

"I appreciate that, Rick, I really do," Kate said softly. "But you're my partner. I can't imagine going back to the 12th without you. Just...after you get a new vest, okay?" He grinned.

"It should be here day after tomorrow," he said, and Kate smiled, brushing a kiss to his collar.

"And try to be careful, alright?" she added. He nodded.

"Okay." Kate yawned and Castle laughed lightly.

"Go to sleep, Kate," he murmured. She nodded, laying her head on his shoulder.

"I love you, Castle," she murmured sleepily. He smiled into her hair, knowing without a doubt that no matter how many passionate nights they shared, he would always treasure these moments a million times more.

"I love you, too, Beckett."


End file.
